long read 10 mins

Communication Tips for STAFF (and Parents) to build a culture of TRUST, COLLABORATION and ENQUIRY.

When we read the results of the Bond Uni study by Assoc. Prof Peta Stapleton that indicate over half of Australian teachers suffer anxiety and approximately one fifth are depressed, according to the research that analysed 166 Australian school teachers, we must change things to reduce these alarming statistics.

Similarly when we read that Parent-related issues were one of a number of second tier stressors for principals, and is on the increase, according to data from The Australian Principal Occupational Health, Safety and Wellbeing Survey (2018 - Philip Riley), then change MUST occur to maintain and strengthen our profession for teachers and school leaders.

In July 2001 when I was first appointed principal of a Catholic primary School in the Brisbane Archdiocese my then Area Supervisor told me that my job is about the 3 Rs: Relationships, Relationships, Relationships. He may well have said our job is about Communication, Communication, Communication. Alternately he may have said our job is about building a culture of TRUST AND COLABORATION within your school community as you provide a high-quality education for the children at your school.

Communication is basis for all successful relationships and as such we must ensure the communication protocols between parents and staff create that culture of trust in collaboration. Parents trust teachers to know children, know the curriculum, know pedagogy while providing a safe work environment for their children to learn. Similarly, teachers are trusting parents to provide the basics so that a child can learn.  They trust parents to provide food, clothing, shelter and the resources necessary for a child to pursue their studies. Teachers and parents trust each other so we can create a climate in which their children, our children, can learn.

If we agree, understand and accept that teachers and parents are essential to a child's educational journey, and that we must work together, then a culture of collaboration should exist within the learning environment. Such collaboration can be very practical with parents assisting classrooms, taking leadership roles within the school such as a P&F Association and School Boards or similar structures. Collaboration may refer to open dialogue in communication. It may mean that parents keep abreast of what's happening in the school through reading the school communications: newsletters, blogs, parent portals or similar such communication strategies. It does mean that teachers need to be effective in their communication strategies and keep parents informed of what is happening in and around the school, particularly that impacts on the child's learning. Collaboration means that parents have a voice in the school, as do the students, as do the staff. This voice may involve them providing feedback, it may involve them suggesting initiatives, it may involve them fundraising, or being a marketing tool for the school, as parents are often the greatest advocates for the child's school. We need parents as part of our students’ educational journey and I believe that parents need teachers as part of their journey also.

Often when teachers feel stressed through parent engagement it is because the teachers have become defensive in responding to parent enquiries. I would like to suggest there are only three questions that teachers need to ask parents when a parent visits school with an issue (and there are 3 separate questions that parents need to ask teachers to maintain and promote a culture of trust in collaboration – that’s another article). These three questions will allow teachers to share information. It means the teachers do not need to get defensive when responding to parent enquiries. It simply means that they can clarify and expand on information that parents may be seeking. This is crucial if we are to build that culture of trust and collaboration. It also means that teachers can be happier, and hopefully healthier, and hence provide better teaching for students which will then, in turn, provide better outcomes for the learners.

Three Questions teachers and school leaders could ask parents when they visit.

First question could be: What do you need?

This question allows the parent to reflect as to the purpose of them coming to the school. When parents approach the school are often do so for one three reasons. The first reason might be they simply need to vent. They need to get something off their chest about school life and hence they will come and express something they feel passionately about. The second reason maybe  to seek a solution or resolution to a perceived problem. The third reason might be that the parents are seeking advice or guidance from the teacher or from a member of the leadership team. Those are three very valid reasons why parents may be approaching the school. If the they do it in such a way that is collaborative and through a sense of enquiry, then the school staff will simply be clarifying and sharing information and there would be no need for the staff to get defensive. The first question also means that the teacher is listening to the parent and the parent feels valued through that simple question. The parent can reflect and appreciate that the teacher is asking them what is important for them and what do they need to support our child's educational journey. the first question that teachers need to ask parents when they come for an enquiry is “What do you need?”.

Follow up to first question could be "What does the child need?” If the principal is facilitating a difficult conversation between parents and teachers then the principal could ask what are the needs of the child. Ideally there will be some alignment between the parent needs, the teacher’s needs and the child’s needs. Once all have been heard and needs identified a way forward in a climate of trust and collaboration is possible.

Second Question: What would that look like in our class or school? This second question allows the parent the opportunity to sit in the shoes of the teacher or a member of leadership and to think and to reflect about their request. Is the request valid? Is it realistic? and is it possible to be implemented in their child class or in their child school? Frequently if a parent has a demand or request of a teacher or a member of leadership and their request seems unrealistic to the staff member, instead of the staff member simply denying that request and saying no outright, they can it turn around and say to the parent “How do you think that would look in our class ?” The parents may reflect and come to the realisation that their request is unrealistic.  While they are processing the request in response to the teacher's question, the parents may arrive at a different position whereby they can work together with the school for the betterment of their child's education.

Third question: Is there anything else you would like to ask and tell me? This third question simply allows the teacher to bring the conversation to a close and for the parent to walk away content they have been heard and they have said all they need to say. This question is putting the emphasis on the needs of the parent and a way to address their issues.

(Please note that there are three questions that parents should use when approaching staff about a school matter).

Power of the pause

When having conversations with people who have elevated emotions, the ability to stay calm and to pause is critical. Inevitably when there is a space in a conversation one person will feel the need to fill that space. If the teacher or the member of leadership is having a conversation with an elevated parent and the staff member leaves a gap in the conversation and pauses then the parent, who may be an elevated state, will more than likely continue to speak. Once the parent has finished speaking the principal or teacher is in a position to respond. If the teacher or principal uses one of the three questions that have already been discussed then tension should be diffused relatively quickly.

The power of the pause cannot be underestimated and is used by the best negotiators and the best interviewers to leave a space so that the other member in the conversation feels welcome to continue talking and to express their opinion. It is important that when a parent comes to a teacher or a principal in an elevated state of emotion that they are heard, that they are listen to, so that they can feel that their needs are being met.

Three Point Communication

The importance of three point communication especially in potentially stressful situations could be highly valued. Direct eye contact between two people can elevate the tension, so having the capacity to legitimately look away to another place, without the participant feeling that you are distracted and not paying attention, is crucial. The third point of communication could be the notes you are taking, or it could be written material to which you are referring in the conversation or it could be a third party who may or may not be important to the whole discussion. If a parent initiated the conversation you can ask if it is ok for you to take notes as an accurate account of the discussion. If you initiate the conversation, you may have some work to which you will refer during the chat. Either way you have some material that you can either write on or point to as a place of focus for both people, particularly the agitated participant.

Using the power of the pause is another communication strategy which will allow open communication to occur between school and parents, whereby creating a culture of trust and collaboration, which is key for the success of the teaching process. As School leaders we need to look after our teachers, and parents need to look after teachers, as they are one of the most influential factors in a child's learning journey. If we can create a culture of trust and collaboration then the teachers will be able to perform at their optimum level whereby providing good learning and teaching experiences for the students, whereby improving student outcomes. If our teachers are thriving then principals should also be thriving.

Andrew has presentations for staff and parents about these communication tips to build a culture of TRUST, COLLABAORATION and ENQUIRY.

Andrew has drawn on the work of Allan Parker (world renowned negotiator, behavioural scientist and forensic linguist) and Michael Grinder (world expert in non- verbal communication).

Andrew has been a principal for last 17 years and wrote his first book "Are You Ready for Primary school This Year?" Which focuses on building a culture of Trust, Collaboration and Enquiry between parents and teachers.                                  Book avilable through website link.